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Held In

i catch myself lying awake at night
thinking about what you said,
the conspiracy, the shadows looming,
the unexplored darkness, and i think

about the way you said it, the fervor
in your voice, how you leaned in close,
and i smelled you, felt the heat
of your body burning calories

i could reach up and pull you
closer, catch you off guard
but not unwilling. i am restrained.
i am a rock of solitude, though

i stand near you, though all i need
is to hear you, your breath on the other
end of the line, connected but not
together. i remain contained