Gift Guides, Deciding What You Want Based on Your Genitals

Gift guides: some random person trying to give readers ideas of what to buy someone, usually based on things that shouldn’t be an indicator of what someone likes. They usually have titles like, “Gifts for Mom,” “Gifts for Dad,” “Gifts for Men,” and such.

When did we all decide that having reproduced makes a woman want a set of make-up brushes for Christmas? I haven’t had a kid yet, but I bet you a million dollars that popping out offspring will not change the fact that I would hate getting make-up brushes as a gift. Buying me that would be like saying, “I have no idea who you are nor what you like, so I read an article. It said ladies like make-up.”

Usually, based on my experience, the gift ideas for men are things that anyone would like, and the gift ideas for women are things I would think no one would like. Apparently someone must like getting bath salts, or else there’s a conspiracy between the people who make bath products and the people who write these lists, which I have not ruled out.

For men, one list recommends some wine accessory (I’m not into wine, so I don’t really care what it actually does). Wouldn’t that be a good gift for, say, people who like wine–regardless of genitalia?

Fashion books? I swear, if anyone buys me a fashion book because some list told them to, someone will get punched in the face. These are all real examples.

Essentially, it’s just sexism in the guise of advice, advice we never asked for and don’t want. At least, I don’t want it. It’s just more stuff I have to filter out of my life to remain sane.

These lists are insulting on many levels. They assume people have no idea what to buy those of the opposite sex, or those who are of the same sex but have children, as if that makes one have different taste in gifts all the sudden. It also assumes that people like certain things based on these parameters.

To be fair, I have seen gift guides that are for, say, people who have an actual, specific interest. Perhaps these are more accurate. I don’t know, but I would assume that very little actual research went into what was put on them in either case.

Just say, “here’s a list of crap that I think would make a good gift.” And be creative about it. If I see one more list of things moms like that is full of beauty products, I’m going to go on a rampage. If I hear one more suggestion that I get someone tools because they have a penis, I’m going to go on a rampage.

Let’s face it, I’m going to go on a rampage. It is apparently unavoidable, because this is not going to stop.